Can a Child Pick Which Parent to Live with in Orange County?

Family courts consider many different factors when deciding how custody will be split between the two parents. One such factor is the child’s preference. Judges must evaluate certain important criteria as they weigh the child’s wishes, and the parents should be prepared to argue either for or against a specific arrangement. Pinkham & Associates is here to help Orange County parents present their best case for custody.

How California Courts Determine Child Custody

When separated or divorced parents cannot decide on a parenting plan for their children, the family courts in California must step in. A judge’s primary consideration in all custody matters is the child’s best interest. Along those lines, the courts are committed to ensuring that parents have as much contact as practical with both of their parents after they divorce or end their relationship.

Either of the child’s parents may request custody and visitation orders. However, if the parents were not married at the time of the child’s birth, the court cannot issue any orders until paternity is established. This can generally be done in one of three ways:

• Both parents sign a declaration of paternity form at the hospital when the child is born.
• Both parents sign and notarize the declaration of paternity at a later date and submit it to the Department of Child Support Services.
• Either parent opens a paternity case in court.

How a Child’s Wishes Are Presented in Court

Judges typically decide whether a child should present their preferences through testimony in open court or in chambers (the judge’s private office) with only the judge, the child, and the lawyers present. The latter option is usually preferable when there is concern that the child may be emotionally distressed by testifying in court.

Courts also turn to professional third parties such as guardians ad litem, custody investigators, and psychologists. These trained individuals will speak with the child in person to fully gauge the child’s perspective. Then, the professional will generate a written report, often including the child’s preferences, and present that to the judge.

Age and Maturity Requirements

In deciding whether to allow a child to express their preferences concerning custody, and what weight to give those preferences, judges will especially take into consideration the child’s age and maturity. In California, children who are at least 14 years of age are considered old enough to express a desire for which parent they would like to live with. But there are also cases in which the court will allow a child under the age of 14 to convey their wishes regarding custody, provided the child is mature enough to do so. 

The closer the child is to 18 years of age, the more weight the judge will give the child’s preference. However, the judge must ultimately consider the best interests of the child, irrespective of the child’s wishes. For instance, if a child only wants to reside with a particular parent because they are lax on discipline, the court may decide that this custody arrangement isn’t in the child’s best interest.

Factors that Influence Custody Decisions

Besides the child’s wishes, other factors go into a court’s custody decisions. They include:

• The child’s age and health
• The emotional ties of both parents with the child
• The child’s relationship with their school, home, and community
• Each parent’s ability to properly care for the child
• Any evidence of domestic violence
• Any evidence of either parent’s drug or alcohol abuse

What to Do if You and Your Child Disagree on Who the Child Will Live With

Parents and children don’t always see eye to eye, and this is sometimes true when it comes to the child’s custody arrangement. Unfortunately, many children take advantage of their parents’ separation or divorce by threatening to go live with the other parent if they don’t get their way. These are a few tips for how to deal with this.

Remember, Children Will Be Children

Don’t take it personally if your child acts in this way. It’s a normal part of growing up, acting out, and being rebellious. The key is how you respond to the situation.

Don’t Counter the Child’s Outburst with Your Own

It may be tempting to simply agree to the child’s request to leave. Most parents don’t actually want this, but the child will soon learn that the response was out of frustration. This may cause the child to lose respect for you or believe your love is conditional.

Remain Calm

Your best response is not from a place of emotion or offense. If necessary, take some time apart from the discussion and calm down before you address it. Responding to the child in the heat of an argument will almost never produce a good outcome.

Be Understanding

With time, it may be the case that the child really does want to spend more time with the other parent. This is natural, and not necessarily because the child is trying to test or defy you. Changing the parenting arrangement can be frightening, but try to have an open mind about doing what’s best for your child.

Do You Need a Lawyer for Custody in California?

If your child has started expressing a preference to live with the other parent or with you, it’s time to speak with a custody attorney. An experienced family lawyer will understand the details of the best interest standard, the type of evidence that will help you make a case for your preferred custody arrangement, and the steps necessary to make it happen. Your attorney can argue on your behalf in court, help mediate the matter if appropriate, and point you to resources that will make the parental relationship with your child easier.

Contact the Lawyers at Pinkham & Associates for Help with Your Custody Case

Cases involving a child’s preferences can be emotionally challenging. Regardless of what type of custody issue you are facing in Orange County, the experienced legal counsel of Pinkham & Associates is ready to answer your questions and advocate for you. Get started with your custody case by contacting us today.