Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which the individual has an exaggerated sense of their own importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a deep need for excessive attention and validation from others.
There is nothing wrong with having self-confidence or a recognition of your own strengths. But narcissism is something else. It is an extreme self-obsession that makes the individual crave an unhealthy amount of attention and admiration. This inflated sense of self-worth can damage relationships, making people around the narcissist feel insecure, inadequate, and undermined.
If you have decided to divorce your narcissistic spouse, the process ahead may be more challenging than a typical divorce case in California.
If you suspect your partner is a narcissist or has narcissist tendencies, it means they have likely displayed the following personality traits:
The first step you need to take is learning everything about the narcissistic personality disorder, even if your spouse is an undiagnosed narcissist. This will help you get better prepared for what is to come. There are some brilliant books, articles, and scientific studies online that shed a lot of light on narcissism.
Next, you need to start documenting your relationship. Before you bring up the subject of divorce with your spouse or announce it to the family, start getting things in order. If your spouse regularly subjects you to abuse or contempt, try to get a record of it. This can be tricky as California does not allow for secret recordings unless you obtain a court order allowing it first, however.
When you decide to talk to them about divorce, record that conversation as well with their knowledge, since it’s likely they will react to it negatively. Keep track of as many important moments, decisions, or events as you can. A narcissist spouse almost always makes false allegations against the other spouse; the detailed documentation will help you present a solid case and defend yourself.
It’s not a bygone conclusion that divorcing a narcissist will be an extremely lengthy and complex process due to their personality traits. But you must be prepared for the worst. Warn all of your loved ones, family members, friends, boss, and coworkers that your spouse may start spreading false information about you.
If your spouse has violent tendencies, warn the people around you that your spouse may take severe measures to hurt you during the divorce proceedings. Keep in mind that people with a narcissistic personality are extremely difficult (impossible even) to reason with. So, trying them to agree with you on child custody, property division, and other matters can seem hopeless without professional help.
A divorce attorney can handle all communication with your spouse on your behalf, minimizing the amount of stress and conflict. If the attorney is smart and has your best interest at heart, they can expose the truth about your spouse’s abusive behavior and help you get divorced as fast and inexpensively as possible.
When you file and serve a divorce against a true Narcissist, or even a person with Narcissistic
tendencies, they often empty the bank accounts of all available funds, they often cancel, or
otherwise put restrictions or limits on all credit cards. Also, watch THEIR finances, they often
start (if they haven’t already) hiding money or income. I know you think you know your
Narcissist, but I assure you, they can be more ruthless than ever in a divorce. Be ready!
You need to start documenting your relationship. Do this on your phone (after changing
passwords and codes) Before you bring up the subject of divorce with your spouse or announce
it to the family, start getting things in order. If your spouse regularly subjects you to abuse or
contempt, record it with your phone the next time it happens and tell others.
I do apologize for sounding so defeatist in all the above paragraphs. It’s not a foregone
conclusion that divorcing a narcissist will be an extremely lengthy and complex process due to
their personality traits. But it is smart to prepare yourself for the worst. Warn all of your loved
ones, family members, friends, boss, and coworkers that your spouse may start spreading false
information about you.